10 Realizations from 1 and 1/2 Years in the Midwest

Here is a sampling of ten very self-indulgent things I have decided since living here in the midwest. They are really just a compilation of words of wisdom, thoughts, concerns and observations since living in this new and strange place and living another 18 months. They are in no particular order.

1. I hate Pepsi; Pepsi’s impenetrable Fortress Midwestern in Chicago is one of the worst things to happen to beverages in the country. People who prefer Pepsi over Coke just don't know any better.
2. I have decided that as a Mormon, it is too cliché to refer to Utah as Zion; from now on it shall be known to me as the Motherland.
3. Corn sucks; it is not as delicious as people think, it isn't all that cool and is WAY to much effort to nibble off of that worthless waste-of-space stump. We aren't barbarians, why should we look like ravenous beasts to consume a sub-par food stuff?
4. People get shuttled in and out of our lives for a reason; think how fortunate all of these people in the Midwest are to know Ali and me! We are super bad A--!
5. Midwestern winters are the reason why our ancestors lived as nomads. I seriously don't think Nature wants anyone living here for 6 months of the year. It's science.
6. I think that Ali and I are spoiled having grown up in one of the scenically diverse and beautiful places in the world. Corn fields, cows, trees and hills, while being pretty in their own right, are not even in the same universe of beauty as arches, peaks, canyons and mountain valleys. It just makes us not readily cognizant of the natural beauty around us. Thanks for making our family a bunch of terrain and landscape snobs, Utah! (If you are reading this and have your beefs with Utah, I dare you to come up with a compelling argument against how amazing the scenery is there.)
7. Dollar theaters are an important part of movie life in the United States. I firmly believe that some movies are absolutely worth spending $ 8-12 and seeing them in the nice theaters. Some movies are simply redbox films. The dollar theater provides that intermediate level of film quality to have its day in the sun. This means you Karate Kid with Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan.
8. I might rue ever expressing this but, if my future kid came home with a tattoo of something stupid, I would be much, much, much more disappointed with them for their choice of tattoo than I ever could be with them getting a tattoo. My only thought in this senario would be that I failed as a parent not teaching them to have better taste and creativity.
9. I am incredibly grateful that I think I am funny. Life is seriously better when I say something that I laugh at. Maybe no one else gets it/thinks it is funny, but at least I am happy--and it is all about me.
10. People don't understand cause and effect. Even educated, smart and successful adults! If you are reading this and thinking I A) don't know what I am talking about or B) totally agree with me about everyone except you then you probably have this problem. (I will be the first to admit that I fall into this trap sometimes.) People don't get that when they do something or say something or act a certain way that there will be consequences and those consequences almost alway swing back around and smack them in the face. Sometimes I think that God must find the things we do as humorous as someone who steps on a rake and hits them-self in the face.